My Fabulous Christmas

I blinked.

And I must have done it more than once cuz, December is almost GONE. Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink!

I must give myself a break though. Birthday season galore here in Sulaland and i'm beat! Birthdays start the first week of December here and there's one just about every four days until Christmas. Including my two wonderful daughters that are a week apart the week before Christmas. But the chaos? It ends on Christmas Day.

I was behind as I normally am. I still have to get the box ready to send to Green Bay and to Albuquerque. At least this year, I actually have the stuff to put in the box this year! So life is good.

Christmas Eve got here and my house was clean, my kids were excited, I got to cook soup (which is one of the main ways that I center myself) and I was looking forward to a Peaceful Christmas Eve with Good Friends.

Absolutely the best Christmas Eve ever. I completely fulfilled my vision of what Christmas Eve is supposed to be like! I had a good mix of friends from several different areas of my life. Several friends who have been a huge part of my support system over the past few years, a friend who can get me laughing in tears with his personality and comments that just rolls out of his mouth before he can do anything about it. and makes no apologies for it. Neighbors stopped by that I adore. A new friend who I'm already holding very dear to my heart. A friend who has been there every time that i've ever needed her. The man who calms me and brings great joy in my life. My kids (and then my kids going to bed early!) and my cousin and her new hubby.

Many of us started the evening off at the Christmas Eve service at NWHills. What a beautiful service. Great music and a great message. It was a packed house and they had to have 6 serving stations for communion! We sang silent night by candlelight. That alone made my heart all warm and fuzzy!

Friends came over, we socialized, we laughed. We drank wine. C made a beautiful fire in the chimenea.

We stood in a huge circle and prayed by song to bless our dinner. We had a shepherds meal of Tortilla Soup and Tamales with LOTS of goodies. Homemade hummus was brought and some yummy yummy bread. Lots of sweets.

I read 'Twas The Night Before Christmas and then the girls went off to bed so that Santa could show up as quickly as possible.

We had a "Gift of Self" exchange in White Elephant format. and there were lots of goodies in the pot! We had a peace ornament, a home cooked meal, lottery tickets (that won!), Tea for Two, a candle, a really cool lotion kit, salt and pepper shakers, a story that included a little girl covered in chicken poop and another with Santa losing his pants in front of a bunch of scarred-for-life elementary kids! And I got a song held near and dear to a friend of mine that sang for us all.

We went outside and enjoyed the fire. We went around the circle and shared what our favorite childhood gifts were. Then we held hands and sang Silent Night.

At that point, the party needed to wind down and all scurried home to sleep well before the excitement of Christmas morning.

New friend E hung around and helped C and I wrap ALL of our gifts! We finished that right about midnight. If she hadn't stayed, we would have been wrapping till 3 a.m.! THANK YOU E!!!!!

After she left, C and I exchanged a gift a piece. The gift from each of us that we wanted to give each other in the solitude of each other. We are happy. (and that's all the details you readers are gettin'!)

Sleep eventually came and the first knock came upon my bedroom door about 7:15. Told them they had could knock again at 7:50. and they did. on the dot. I'm guessing that they stood by the clock and watched the time tick away minute by minute.

We all got great gifts!

L came by a little later and had some breakfast. Then E came by and we carpooled out to L's house for a yummy yummy Christmas dinner of grilled steaks, lots of healthy veggies, bread and lots of Christmas-ey desserts. It was a small enough crowd that we all got to sit at L's table for dinner.

C stopped by for a little while and I received this trickle of gifts all day. It started with a Christmas Eve ornament, then our personal gift exchange, then the opening of Christmas morning, then the one he brought to L's. He only stayed for a little bit and then went on to see his family. One of the best gifts that he gave me, was letting me know without a doubt that he had wanted me to be with him on Christmas. He stopped by on the way home from his dad's to tuck me in. Where I received 2 more presents.

This man GETS me. Every single one of his gifts, made me feel heard and cared for. My favorite though was 4 little rocks that he picked up on his trip to Seattle in June. He gave one to each of my girls, one to me and one to himself. I consider him part of my family. and I see now that he sees himself as part of my family.

At this point, it doesn't matter if our romantic connection lasts a lifetime or not. I know that our connection will last a lifetime. It doesn't matter if we date just each other or if we date other people. It doesn't matter if we are building a life with a place for each other as a partner or if we are collecting precious moments at this phase in our relationship. It doesn't matter what our own personal struggles are in regards to relationships. He is important to me and he is important to my children. and I feel like I am important to him and my children are important to him. This is what matters.

I've had the absolute best Christmas season ever. I got to spend it with fabulous friends, great neighbors, a new friend, two of the best pieces of my family and C. All had a part in fulfilling my Christmas vision.

I am happy. I love my friends. I love my family. I love my life.

I love you all. Merry Christmas!

Christmas Questionnaire

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends.



1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I would love to do the eco-friendly cloth bags. However, my life doesn’t allow that and it’s pretty much whatever I have on handy at the moment. If I can’t find anything, I’ll ask my kids if they’d like to color on the pretty brown paper bag and then use pretty ribbon.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial. Seriously allergic to Christmas Trees!

3. When do you put up the tree? Sometime between the 17th and the 21st.

4. When do you take the tree down? The day after New Years Day

5. Do you like eggnog? Spiked….

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Every year my dad would leave a stuffed animal from Santa under the tree. My fave was a little squirrel I got when I was about 8.

7. Hardest person to buy for? Different every year. This year it’s Grammy.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mailed. But I didn’t do them this year.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A doohickey that plug in your car cigarette lighter that turns it into an electrical socket (very useful – sucky xmas gift!)

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Miracle on 34th Street

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? December 17th.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? For White Elephants!

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Sand Tarts!

16. Lights on the tree? Yes! At least 5 strings of blinky colorful lights!

17. Favorite Christmas song? Grown Up Christmas List and What Child Is This?

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Sometimes

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I have a crocheted penquin that my mom made me when I was a child. When the right star appears in my life, then I’ll use that.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Christmas Day.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? The bad moods that come with too many people in too little space.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Music Themed

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Beef Tenerloin stuffed with lobster tails! Yumm-O (even thought that was an Emeril creation)

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Happy children, happy friends, happy life

26. Who is most likely to respond to this? I think I’m the last of my friends doing this this year…

27. Who is least likely to respond to this? See above

Anyone know what happened to #8???????

Merry Christmas !

The Twelve Days of Christmas

Learn something new everyday! NOW this song makes so much more sense (as opposed to the NONE it made before!)

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The Twelve Days of Christmas

What in the world do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won't come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics.

It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.

· -The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
· -Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.

· -Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.

· -The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.

· -The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.

· -The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.

· -Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit--Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.

· -The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
· -Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.

· -The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments. -The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.

· -The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

Love and Power

Got this from a friend today. Hit home brightly and loudly.


Power properly understood is nothing but the ability to achieve purpose. And one of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been contrasted as opposites—polar opposites—so that love is identified with a resignation of power, and power with a denial of love. We’ve got to get this thing right. What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love. It is precisely this collision of immoral power with powerless morality which constitute the major crisis of our time.


-Martin Luther King, Jr., address to the 11th Convention of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference on August 16, 1967, in Atlanta , Georgia

Yep. Definately a Reason

There's a reason why C is such an important person in my life.

Thank you for:

• The honesty and staying true to yourself while allowing me to be honest and staying true to myself.
• Helping each other to grow
• For the patience to allow whatever we are supposed to be, to be
• Staying calm in hard conversations that blindside us
• Letting me love you for who you are, as you are and for loving me for who I am, as I am.
• All of the support when I think anxiety may creep my way
• All of the hugs
• Loving my children and being a good role model
• Telling me when I'm doing a good job and when I'm not
• Staying connected even though our relationship is so very different now
• All of the laughter and all of the tears
• For listening to me in a way that I feel heard
• For all of the encouragement, from relationships to work to family to life in general
• For allowing me in your cave when you are feeling overwhelmed
• For being my best friend

Thank you, C, for being you.

First Campfire

This is my first campfire.
I started it.
I fed it.
It burns bright.
I am happy.

About two months ago, my oldest daughter had her hands held wide and was spinning in the breeze. It hit me then. She is Air.

I am Earth (that tree thing) as is most of those that I can connect spiritually with. My youngest daughter is Earth. But realizing that Bean is Air as I was watching her spin - Could I get that much goodie out of Air?

So I tried. And I did get a lot of goodie out of spinning in the breeze. At this point I realized that my life in the 4 natural Elements was not balanced. I needed more Fire, Water and Air in my life.

I've been wanting a chimenea for a long time. I now wonder if it was a need of the Fire element, rather than just wanting an outdoor fireplace.

I worked all day to create this wonderful space. I picked out the chimenea. I paid for it and transported it home. I cleaned out the courtyard (see earlier post). And I started my own first fire.


My courtyard is now MY vision. and it's a work in progress, but I have a starting point. Wow. I have a starting point!


Isn't it funny how the tiniest and seemingly insignificant thing can make you feel so empowered?


I am happy.





I had to process a lot of emotions today. Many regarding the breakup with C (sorry C, still love ya!) and how hard it is to be friends at this point that we are in that we have titled Limbo.


God sends us special people to be in our life at points when we need them.


I think with my lesson learned today is another one about balance. And this one is in the manifestation within fire.



Fire is glorious. Much like my friend C. Fire is beautiful and warm and essential to feeding yourself. However, it's hot. Sometimes hot is a good thing. But if you get to close... you get burned. and if you stay too close for too long, then you get burned bad. if the components in the fire are off balance, then the fire could be to hot, burn too fast, smoke too much, or simply burn out.


C and I - we're finding our balance right now. Staying friends after a romantic connection is hard work. But it's important. Limbo is hard. I think the appearance of Fire in my life is telling me to find the balance and enjoy the warmth, but we MUST find the balance.

My friend LD is really enjoying her S'more. Dog Bridey is wondering where hers is!

Got wine. Got friends. Got campfire. Got S'mores. All bases are covered!

Yummmmmm.... found out today that S'mores made with dark chocolate are even better!

Family and friends roasting marshmallows in our very first campfire.

Bu can make herself comfy ANYWHERE!

Happy Bean. Happy Friend.

My friend L. Isn't she beautiful? L, if I haven't told you before what a wonderful impact you have on my life, listen up! cuz i'm telling you now! You ROCK!

L and LD, thank you sooooooo very much for sharing my first campfire with me. it was a wonderful night.

And thank you Rob for virtually participating in my endeavor of cleaning out my courtyard! Having a friend close by during pivotal experiences is important to me. and even though the cleaning of the courtyard may not seem like a huge deal, it was.

It is a step towards a more balanced life within the elements that make us whole.

Life is good.

I am happy.

The Courtyard is MINE now!

I've been wanting a chimenea for about 18 months now. Those that know me well, understand that for me to spend any amount of money over $20 at a time is quite a struggle for me. I'm just cheap. and I hate to shop. and i research and research and research until I find exactly what i'm looking for. and then once I do, I think about it and think about it and think about it. And then... I might buy it if I can justify it to myself.

Well, about 6 months ago I said, "I'm going to buy a chimenea. I'm going to do it." and so the research began. About 3 weeks ago, I was ready to buy! Then I couldn't find them anywhere! I twittered my friends and got all sorts of good suggestions. Then one of them told me of the place on Burnet just south of North Loop. Miguel's Imports. Must do good yelping about Miguel's Imports.

OMG! That place is MAGIC! Any time I need retail therapy, I'm going there!

I stopped by yesterday and looked at them all, compared prices and then left empty handed promising myself that I would come back the next day and leave with one. And I did. I looked at them all again. But the big mouth orange-y sun one won out. So now I have a theme for my courtyard. Sun, trees, frogs and turtles.

Isn't it gorgeous????? I LOVE IT!

************************************************************************

My courtyard was a mess. I've started to clean it a couple of times, but just didn't have the motivation. The courtyard was my ex's domain. He smoked out there and I just didn't go out there. It wasn't my space.

So... two years later and I've finally got it cleaned up enough to call it MINE. I've started to clean it several times, but I just hadn't had a clear picture of what I wanted yet. This is sort of a find myself journey. Realizing that it's not about what anyone else likes or thinks. It's about MY perception of MY perfect space.

So I started with the deleafing. I have a tremendous amount of trees in such a small space. I love them. but they produce a wholelotta leaves. so we started there. I think i carried about 15 buckets full of leaves out of there.

Miscellaneous "stuff" everywhere. All this is now combined into a bucket and placed out of the line of site.

I am soooooooooooooo happy with my Chimenea! and my courtyard! I feel like this is MY space now. and a good space to invite friends over for a campfire.

Now i'm off to buy firewood, wine and S'more makings! Guess what we are doing tonight???

Chanting

I will be whatever I am supposed to be.
I will land wherever I am supposed to land.

We will be whatever we are supposed to be.

We will land wherever we are supposed to land.

I will be whatever I am supposed to be.
I will land wherever I am supposed to land.
We will be whatever we are supposed to be.
We will land wherever we are supposed to land.

I will be whatever I am supposed to be.
I will land wherever I am supposed to land.
We will be whatever we are supposed to be.
We will land wherever we are supposed to land.

I will be whatever I am supposed to be.
I will land wherever I am supposed to land.
We will be whatever we are supposed to be.
We will land wherever we are supposed to land.

I will be whatever I am supposed to be.
I will land wherever I am supposed to land.
We will be whatever we are supposed to be.
We will land wherever we are supposed to land.

I will be whatever I am supposed to be.
I will land wherever I am supposed to land.
We will be whatever we are supposed to be.
We will land wherever we are supposed to land.

I will be whatever I am supposed to be.
I will land wherever I am supposed to land.
We will be whatever we are supposed to be.
We will land wherever we are supposed to land.

I will be whatever I am supposed to be.
I will land wherever I am supposed to land.
We will be whatever we are supposed to be.
We will land wherever we are supposed to land.

Breathe...

I have enough.

I do enough.

I AM enough.

Breathe...

Back in the Game

Well, I finally took the next step. I'm back on Yahoo Personals. I've met some great guys on there that are now really good friends (and am grateful to have them in my life!) and it's definately worked for a romantic connection.

I also have a love/hate relationship with dating. Sometimes I love it, often I hate it. Finding that connection is hard work!

So here's a toast for experiences yet to come. Let's play ball and do the Limbo at the same time!

Cheers!

Balance and Breath

She needed Balance, I needed Breath

Since I moved to Austin over 10 years ago, every November I've gotten sick. Sick, sick, sick. And every year it's gotten worse. Last year after coughing for four months straight and having absolutely no voice for two months of that, I finally found out why.



I have Asthma.



It has this detrimental sound to me. Asthma. Allergy and Exercise induced Asthma. All I want to know is - HOW DO I GET RID OF IT????



It's like this downward spiral that i've been struggling with for 10 years. I've gotten overweight because of less exercise and my Asthma has gotten pronounced because of being overweight. At least now I can understand some of the spiral so that I race against it instead of spinning downward.



In June of 2006, I started making changes in my life. Slow changes. Basic changes. Eat whole foods and be more active and you will become the person you want to be. That seems so very long ago now. To date, i've lost 46 pounds. I'm almost halfway to my goal. HALF WAY! OMG. I'm almost halfway to my goal. I did this. All by myself. yeah, it's taken a long time, but I DID THIS.



Ok. Back to the Asthma. I went to Enchanted Rock with a group from my church. A couple that I barely knew. And a couple that have been so pivotal in my life I get overwhelmed when I think of the love that they've shown me.



Now.... Enchanted Rock is a challenging climb UPHILL. UPHILL. I have exercised induced Asthma. I knew I was going to have issues so I took my inhaler. What I wasn't expecting was to feel so good about it when it was all said and done.



I've been working out for the last 2 and a half years and about 6 weeks ago hired a personal trainer to help me get to the next level and bring weight training back in the mix. I used to be extremely active - softball, soccer, cycling, hiking, skating, volleyball, etc.



Short spurts of high aerobic activity were always doable. Constant high level aerobic activity has NEVER been doable. I never understood why. I was in great shape! why couldn't I run like other people. Why would I double over in pain and gasp for breath?



The message I got from my inner self was that I was just not in good enough shape. however, i could never achieve a good enough shape no matter how hard i tried. When I started gaining weight, it was a lost cause. Then it just didn't matter. Until it started to matter.



Climbing up Enchanted Rock was an amazing experience for me. I was prepared to go at my own pace even if everyone else had gone down and up 10 times in the amount of time it took me to get up there. I thought I was going to end up climbing alone. and was fine with that.



Then an amazing thing happened. Number one - one of the guys (okok - the ONLY guy on the excursion) bonded with my children and I ended up getting some true adult time in nature (THANK YOU D! That was an amazing gift!). Then as i'm climbing and starting to get out of breath (and I used my inhaler for the first time out of necessity instead of pre-exercise - wow.... that was sort of scary), my friend L hung back with me.



About a third of the way up, i got really shaky. I just couldn't get enough air. She grabbed my hand and we kept climbing. We took many breaks and I was grateful for the company. She never let go. I was feeling a whole lotta gratitude, but a tad bit guilty for her having to hang back with me. But as I started to encourage her to go on without me, I realized that she was holding my hand because she needed me.



L has had a couple of surgeries the past few years and is currently anemic. Her balance is off and climbing that rock posed a completely different challenge to her. So she needed me as much as I needed her. I was wrapped in gratitude and love for my friend. To be able to give as much as I was taking in complete balance. THAT was magic.













About 2/3rds of the way up, i thought i was just gonna die. I could not get enough air. I would stand still until my heart quit beating so rapidly and my lungs would allow some air to pass through. Then i realized my frustration. My body was willing. I was in good shape and I could have made it up that Rock with out a lot of difficulty if I could have just been able to breathe.



If I could have just been able to BREATHE!!!! It wasn't challenging because I was out of shape or overweight. It was because I couldn't breathe! My body was willing. I could have jumped for joy and squealed in delight and spun in giddiness - except that i couldn't breathe! What a freeing moment that was. The last time I felt THAT good about myself was when I crossed the finish line for the first time in the EDS/MS 150. It was so freeing. My body was willing. I'm still smiling remembering that moment.













At the top of the Rock, we rejoiced in our accomplishment! I was soooooo proud of myself. See the two people that I'm standing in between? These are my friends L and S. Together, they have lost over 360 pounds. That's right, I said 360 pounds. Separately, they have lost over 180 pounds each. How amazing is that? I met them for the first time after they had already completed the first half of their journey. They have always been beautiful people, but the inner joy that shines through them now from their personal accomplishments just makes them glow fiery bright.



These two people have stood by me these last two years. They were my Emmaus sponsors. I didn't understand the unconditional love that goes with sponsorship until i sponsored C this fall. They held my hand during the ickiest part of my life. So icky that I felt I was icky. Even the source of the icky. L showed up at my Discovery class gathering summer before last. I barely knew her then. But she knew me. She'd walked in my path before. In my shoes before. I thought i'd done all i needed to do for myself. I had a therapist, a christian counselor, a Stephen's Minister, an overbooked schedule to keep me busy, close friends, small group workshops, church activities, physical exercise. Had even started to date. I had everything I needed.



She didn't buy it. Told me to go to Rebuilding. I listed everything I had done. She shook her head at me and told me I needed to go to Rebuilding. Now.... those that um, know me - and even those that just sort of know me... When I feel like i'm being pushed to do something, I, um, well, um, sort of dig in my heels. Then I remember with such clarity standing in front of her wondering how the heck i was going to get out of this conversation so I can just get back to my busyness, when she reached into my space and very gently brushed my shoulder and said, "You are doing all the right things to take care of yourself. I can tell. You should go to the Rebuilding class. They have scholarships and childcare. I'll call and get the info for you." She said it so gently and I let down my mask for just a split second and looked in her eyes and knew that this was not a message from her. This was a message from God.





Rebuilding gave me what counseling, physical activity, busyness, and my circle of friends could not. Rebuilding showed me that I was not alone. This was a path for many, not just one. That I was not damaged because I was in such a damaged relationship. That I could rise above the emotional blackmail and abuse I had suffered over the last 10 years. And forgive myself of the actions and lack of actions that I made out of the defense mechanisms.



I met S in rebuilding. About a third of the way into the class, I began to wonder if I hadn't gone through everything I had gone through just because I was supposed to meet her. She is one of the most beautiful people that i've ever met.



I've always had a child-like faith. That no matter how overwhelming the world gets or how much personal trauma we endure, that we will be ok. Simply because everything always turns out the way that it's supposed to be. Feeling unconditionally loved by these two women - that's a pure gift from God.



So when the realization hit that L was leaning on me as much as I was on her, I felt wrapped in warmth and blessed. Going down the rock was a lot easier for me. and a lot harder for L. I think we must have held hands all the way up and all the way down. I'm sure people thought we were much more than just two friends helping each other face their challenges. When that first occurred to me, I thought to myself - I was one lucky gal! That's what friends do when they need each other. They hold each other's hand in support, leaning on each other, zigging to the left and zagging to the right, until they reach their destination and stop to rest and bask in their accomplishment.



Together we gave each other Balance and Breath.





Here are a few more pics of our adventure:

Yummmm! Roasted marshmallows!

Bean says that there HAS to be SOMETHING down there!

Yoga!

Resting! That was quite a climb!

Bu has a connection with rocks. I could tell that she was in her element the entire adventure.

And then there is this.... I'm pretty open about my faith with my children. As quirky as I know I can be, I'm comfy in my connection with Earth and how nature makes me feel more grounded in my Christianity. That even though I follow many Native American beliefs and those of a more eclectic nature, that these bring me closer to God.



I feel closest to God when I am amongst trees. When I place my hand on a tree to bask in the glory of it, to feel it's energy, I feel like i am directly connected to God. By talking to the Tree that I have a direct line to God.



My favorite color is green. If you ask my youngest why my favorite color is green, she will say that it's because it's the color of the trees, the grass and the Earth. They know that trees are magic to me. So what do they do? They collect loose branches and build me a tree sculpture. I think it's the best gift they have ever given me. Even above the Frog Parties!



I hope the tree sculptures are the beginning of a lifetime tradition. and it touches the deepest part of my heart that my children knew where my softest spot was and created a gift out of it.



I love my life. I love my family. I love my friends.



Balance and Breath

I could have told you that...

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Dedicated Reader You are always trying to find the time to get back to your book. You are convinced that the world would be a much better place if only everyone read more.
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Literate Good Citizen
Book Snob
Fad Reader
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Pimp My Locker. Pthhhhhhhhhhbbbbbbbbbbbbbbpt!

In reading this weeks Manic Monday Mission, I was led to believe that I have a locker full of lifes hopes, dreams, and aspirations.

I've been on this two year quest of figuring out just who I am and what it is that's supposed to be in my locker of life. Any other week, I probably could have told you at least one or two points. This was a BUSY week though.

Just a huge reminder that it's so easy to just live in the life of my kids instead of my own.

Other weeks, I have pretty good balance between kids, work, and the rest that is Sula. This week.....

Well, let's just request that if you find my locker, please fill it up with fun and laughter and give it back!

Not yet.

I just don't wanna.

My Face on a Cupcake

Behind This Mask

You cannot see me,
Find me,
Know me,
Not the real me…
I’ll hide behind this mask.

You cannot love me,
Share with me,
Care for me,
Not behind this mask.

You cannot scare me,
Hurt me,
Laugh at me…
Not behind this mask.








Soooooooo..... I'm joining in on the Manic Monday Mission and this is my first one. Should have been quite simple. All I had to do was put my face on a frikkin' cupcake. Did it turn out to be that simple? NO. Not at all.


I thought of all sorts of creative things that I could have done. Except that the lesson about masks in my Rebuilding class wouldn't let any of the other thoughts through.


It was this time last year that we did the lesson. We all got little pumpkins and we had to put our "masks" on the pumpkin. I think a lot of my masks were the same. Masks are not a bad thing. They are who we are on the outside and many times on the inside as well.



But when we've been hurt -- hurt badly, we use these masks to keep people from getting all the way in. Our masks are not our walls. But rather what we hang on our walls that we build up around our heart. It's our way to protect our emotional self without creating concrete walls with no doors. Only those precious few souls that tilt the masks realize that there is no wall behind them.


So here's my face on a cupcake... My three base animal totems that make up the core of ME (Goat, Owl, and Spider) and surrounded by a circle of my masks. If you are interested in your animal totems, read the book Animal Speak.


I think I have a pretty healthy mix of positive and negative masks. The negative ones.... i'm working on. a lot. But then by working on them, i feed into the "busy" mask that I have for myself. I've been struggling with this one for sometime now. I have some direction on the path I want to follow and where I want to land. And hopefully when all the dust has settled from the landing I will find that I have learned that I can Listen and Be Still within the busy life that I have chosen.

Vote!

Before






After










I voted today.





I always vote. It is a right that was fought hard for and one that should be respected by exercising.





This year's presidential election is History in the making though. It's a BIG deal. So I went with my friend C and we took pics. Yeah. i'm a dork. But this was HISTORICAL!



No matter what the outcome on Tuesday night, an historical event would have happened. We are either going to have our first black President or our first woman Vice President. HOW COOL IS THAT????

Remember when we were kids? How far removed from the elections we were? I remember in first grade the teachers pulling us all into one big room to watch "something" about the president. Don't remember what it was, but it had something to do with President Ford.

Today, I'm amazed at how much both my children know about the election. And they CARE about it too! Projects came home last year about past Presidents and the current President.

We watched every debate this year. and my children were glued to the tv. We got to talk about freedom of choice and how our political views are very personal to us as individuals.

And they asked constantly, "Have you voted yet???", "Don't forget to vote!", "You have to vote, Mom!"

When I told them this morning that today was the day, they cheered.

Somebody is doing something right. And I think it's all of us. I think I'm doing a good job talking about how important it is, that their school is doing a great job and my village is doing a great job.

At the end of the summer, I was at a good friends house nursing a cracked heart. There ended up being about 6 of us sitting outside. Politics came up and divisions were apparant. Yet we were still able to have a positive discussion. My children were there to witness it and an example of the importance definately set in.

So if you haven't voted yet, make sure to put it on your calendar for Tuesday.

GO VOTE!!!!

Things about Me

I've been avoiding blogging for several months now... Life is busy, blogging makes you dig deep inside, yada, yada, yada.

I thought i'd find one of those easy questionairres from someone's blog to ease back into it. What do I find? A hard, thought provoking one. But looks to be a good one.

So.... Here we go!



Ten Random Things About Me
10: My animal totem is made up of Goat, Owl, and Spider.
9: I miss my Dad.
8: I like quiet private walks.
7: I’ve been run over by a car.
6: I have stage-fright. Yet I love to sing and speak in public.
5: I won’t eat meat off of a bone.
4: Once I start laughing, I don’t really remember how to stop.
3: I talk to trees.
2: My greatest spiritual gift is a child-like faith.
1: I sing to pray.

Nine Places I've Visited
9: Albuquerque, NM
8: Boston, MA
7: Salem, MA
6: Akumal
5: Xtapa
4: Puerto Vallarta
3: Cabo San Lucas
2: New Orleans
1: Toledo Bend

Eight Things I Want to do Before I Die
8: Own my own home
7: Play recreational soccer again
6: Get my Master’s Degree
4: Go on a two week excursion alone
3: Experience a White Christmas
2: Find the right life-time partner
1: Learn to meditate

Seven Ways to Win My Heart
7: Make me laugh
6: Do little acts of service without me asking
5: Hold me tightly
4: Share energy with me
3: Allow me time to myself and invite me to share time with you
2: Hear me
1: Allow me to love you for who you are, as you are… and love me for who I am, as I am.

Six Things I Believe In
6: Synchronicity
5: We always land where we are supposed to be
4: If we listen, we will hear.
3: God is in all things.
2: Overall Balance is the Key
1: Where words fail, music speaks.

Five Things I'm Afraid Of
5: Falling
4: Trains
3: The situation with particular members of my family
2: Not being seen or heard
1: Losing myself

Four of My Favorite Items in My Bedroom
4: Quiet
3: Open windows
2: Candles
1: (Purposely deleted - e-mail me if you REALLY wanna know)

Three Things I Do Every Day
3: Sing
2: Contemplate life
1: Find peace and gratitude

Two Things I’m Trying Not to Do Right Now
2: Worry about tomorrow
1: Live in the future or the past

One Person I Want to See Right Now
1: My true self

Catching up

Let's-c. lots to catch up. i have like 5 months of posts to do????

here's some bullets that are coming:

• What an awesome summer!
• Trip to New Mexico
• Break-up with C (we are still great friends but all in all, we landed where we are supposed to be) and all the stuff that goes with that.
• High School Reunion
• Family Chaos
• Ex is getting married (this is a good thing... means he'll be stable at least for a while!)
• Holidays

Meet Molly

I drive a green Honda Civic. I have never liked it since sharing it with the ex. I never felt like it was my car. I didn't pick it. I didn't put the cigarette burn hole in the driver's seat. I wasn't in the car when any of the small dents were made. To be honest, I loathed the car.

And I'm pretty open and honest about not liking the car. I've had my eye on a Murano for a while. Then Chris said to me, "I don't like your car either. It's dirty".

How dare someone else NOT like my car! So what if it's dirty. His is dirty too! (teeheehee. love conversations with self like that)

Then I start thinking. What if I DID LIKE my car. So yesterday, Bean and I spent about an hour and a half cleaning the car inside and out. did not actually wash the car, but windows, vacuuming, shoveling out lost crayons, and a really good dusting.

Man, that car was D-I-R-T-Y.

I decided to bond with the car. So off to Target we go. We bought new floor mats. and i was looking at steering wheel covers and Bean and Bu started making "ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" sounds. They found steering wheel covers with fairies on them. One with a blue fairy! P-E-R-F-E-C-T!!!!!!!

So, I put the new mats down, and put the new steering wheel cover on.

and on the way home we try to name the car. I was heading for Daisy, when Molly popped in my head. Molly was right.

I'm sure Molly had another name when the car first came into the family. But I can't remember it for anything. But she's definately Molly now.

And it is a lot cheaper to pour $2k into a car you know will keep on going than to spend $20k plus on a new car. Molly's been paid off for four years. I have now bonded with my car and I'm going to like her.

Yeah, I'm a car-dork.

You Told Me So

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.



Hear that? That's me sighing at all my friends and family shaking their fingers at me saying, "I told you so!!!!!"



I finally did it. I talked to my attorney about filing a motion for enforcement on IdiotNuts for the back spousal support.

I know. I just said I talked to him about it. But if IdiotNuts doesn't shape up then I'm prepared to do it.

I'm accepting half payments for spousal support for a longer period of time. I'm still getting the short end of the stick on that, BUT what was most important was not having the fight about money anymore. I told him when I took the new arrangement that if we had the fight again, or if he thought paying me was optional, then I would take legal action.

He's only missed one payment. One half payment that is. But we had to have the fight again. So shouldn't I give him 30 days? Yeah, I'm a wimp. but he's the girls' dad!

On Friday if he doesn't show up with what he's supposed to pay me plus some to make up the difference of the payment he just made, then I will probably go ahead and have the attorney serve him the papers. Luckily, the retainer isn't going to cost me THAT much. And we'll request that he pays the attorney fees. AttorneyGuy sounds hopeful on that part, but I know better. If I sue, i'll have to be prepared to pay AttorneyGuy.

Sigh.... I don't want to. Sigh...... But I have to.

Let's see. IdiotNuts owes me $4500 in child support arrears because he didn't pay anything from August to the end of November. I've already filed the updated paperwork this week to have that taken care of. They'll probably split it out like they did with his first wife so he pays a little more per month for the rest of the timeframe that he's supposed to pay. At least I finally sighed heavy enough to sign on the bottom line for that.

But I don't want to sue the nincompoop. I want him to do what he's supposed to! You know. Spend time with the girls! Take them for a WHOLE weekend. Help with the transportation. (okok.... that one's not required, but it sure would be nice!).

So on Friday, I'll find out if i'm going to have a long next two months. If I have to sue him, the lawyer said I should go ahead and request for an increase in child support because he's not spending enough time with them AND have medical support paid directly to me out of his check. He seems to have forgotten to pay THAT last month too.

Sigh............................

He was doing so well! Why'd he have to screw it up! Dammit!

So everyone cross your fingers and say a little prayer for us that he shows up on Friday so I don't have to follow through. I have to follow through if he doesn't though. He's behind $2400 in alimony. All he has to do is what he said he would and at the end of the time period we agreed upon, he get's forgiven of the remaining debt. How hard is that????

Just friggin do what you're supposed to do!

$4500 + $2400. $6900.

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

How much does it have to climb to before I admit to myself that if he's not going to pay anything towards the arrears when he was living for FREE, that he's probably not going to be motivated to catch up now that he's moving and will have to pay rent.

Oh. And I think he's working for some recording company. Wonder what that's all about. He's still contracting at the state too.

Ok. ramble done. All you finger-waggers who've been wagging their fingers at me can all join in unison in a huge, "I TOLD YOU SO!!!!"

Go ahead. get it all out.

My Boyfriend Kisses Monkeys... Really. :-)

Special Update Note (9/11/2008): C and I landed as just really good friends. In fact, he's probably one of the closest friends i'll ever have. But since all that was written here is so very true of him, and it DOES capture his monkey essence, I'm leaving this post up. He IS a truly glorious man. Love ya, C!

***********************************************************************


Yep. That's what I said.



I had a fantastic weekend with my bestfriend from high school and his wife (ClintNJennifer) last weekend. I was a total admitted slug and enjoyed every second of it. We did things like, watch tv, play on the net, play PS2, XBox, cook, eat and drink. Why can't I do that at home????



Time and logistics has not allowed me to introduce the boyfriend to many of my friends from Dallas. So early on Saturday afternoon Clint said,

Clint: Hey... is Chris on your Myspace?

Me: No.

Clint: Facebook?

Me: No.

Clint: Can we find him on Yahoo Chat?

Me: Um..... well, he doesn't txt. he's not on facebook or
myspace. and he really doesn't like to talk on the phone. we e-mail
a lot. He has lots of friends and I bet I could find some pics posted if I looked.

So I go a-googlin' and the FIRST pic I find is this:

Clint: Is THAT him?

Me: Ummmmmmmmm

Clint: Well, IS IT?

Me: Ummmmmmmm, uh, um, uh, well, yeah.

To put it in context.... This was his graduation party from when he got his grad degree a couple of years ago.

Gotta love the person who brought the monkey - and I gotta love my hunny for kissin' it while there was a camera floating about!

So... to all my blogging friends, meet my darlin'. He's kind, gentle, spiritual, thoughtful, playful, funny, frugal, has a a huge circle of long-term friends, thinks of all the little things, has taken my children under his wing and provided a positive male role model, helpful, an absolute glorious man inside and out.

And, he kisses blow up monkeys.

Too old to be a dad?????

WTF????????

First, IdiotNuts sends me an e-mail that he's going to be out of town memorial day weekend. Responsible thing to do, right? RIGHT???? It's always good to know when the other parent won't be around in case there is an emergency, etc.

I keep forgetting that I'm not dealing with a sane person.

So. since he was being forthcoming and I thought he MIGHT like to make some plans with the girls for the summer...

I wrote:

Hey. Summer is getting packed quick! Here are the dates that I
know we are going to be out of town. I tried to make sure they were every
other week, but I didn't do so well for the end of June because of the Santa Fe
trip. I also wanna get down to the beach for at least a Saturday and I want to go to Houston to meet Chris's family one weekend. Plus, I want
to go see Matt.

Then I bet I'm all out of summertime! Please let me know as
soon as you know when you're gonna take them to the beach so I can schedule
around you. Pretty much all but the Santa Fe trip and the Memorial Day
trip, they can stay with you instead of going with me if you can take them for a
longer period of time.

Also, any chunk of time that you want them, let me
know. Only thing that I'll not want to work around is taking them to see
your mom and Debbie in Santa Fe.

May 23-26: Camping in Kerrville or trip to East Texas

June 6-8: Trip to Little Elm - Clinton and Jennifer

June 20-22: Heidi's wedding in Utopia (This is Robin's daughter that Martin
used to poke at....)

June 27 - July 7: Trip to Santa Fe

July 18 - 20: Trip to Richardson - Dena

Aug 15 - 17: Trip to Richardson - Dena

Then HE replied:

Sounds fine. I don't make plans that far in advance. We are
trying to go to New York, and then to Santa Fe the end of August for the
opera. Our travel plans will get busier in the Fall and Winter.
We
want to go to Colombia but every day it's looking less likely because of
the
military buildup on the border with Venezuela and all the
kidnapping.

The relative from Caracas is saying it may not be safe any more to go to the
family's place in Maracaibo; so we're looking at some other ways to go
cheaply
to a nice beach.

Now, I'm confused, so I reply to him:

You're gonna take the girls out of the country? Are you going to take
care of their passports?

I'm not too comfy having the girls go out of the country where there is military buildup and kidnapping.

School starts on 8/25 so hopefully you'll be able to take them somewhere before then.

Now, I guess he's confused because he says:

No, the girls will be in school when we do any traveling like that.

So, now I'm really, really, really confused because I thought we were talking about summer scheduled for the girls:

Oh. I'm confused. I thought we were talking about summer schedule
for the girls. But, WHEW on out of the country thing. Although I'd
love to take them to the beach in Mexico, I just can't afford it!

Then, he pushes my buttons. This man is not sane. He's an idiot. IdiotNuts in fact. I just can't believe what he's able to convince himself that he's right in the head:

(you guys, ready for this one???????)

If I am invited to travel with Marta Elena's family, I will go; but I won't
invite my children along. Marta Elena enjoys the girls immensely but, like
ourselves, most of the siblings are getting older and past the age of doing
things with young children. Kids are all grown.

So... Now i'm pissed and I say:

but YOUR children are not.

And his justification for it all?????? Everyone sit down. I'm tellin' ya, he's an idiot:

Right. Regardless, I cannot ignore my age or try to continue doing
things a younger father might do. I wouldn't expect you to act ten years
older, either.

ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I AM PISSED!!!!!!!!

What am I supposed to tell the girls? I'm sorry dears, but your dad is much to old to act like a real father???????

A 13 year old boy could probably naturally act like a better parent. I just cannot believe the nerve of that man!

Ok. vent done for now. Encouraging words are welcome. especially if they are calming. Cuz, I sure as heck am not calm right now!

Disco Bears

Swiped from Crystal. This is so funny and so joyous!


Watch the Bear do the Disco with a tree!

http://www.livescience.com/php/video/player.php?video_id=080402-bear-rub

Bu and Me - by Bean

Beanie really is a great photographer. She takes better pics than I do!

This is a pic from Cousin's wedding.

3rd Annual Frog Party

Ever read the book, Go, Dog, Go!?

Well, it's a fave around here and about 4 years ago, I turned it into Go, Frog, Go! because I like frogs. (no, not to eat. sheesh).

So now, my kids throw me a "Frog Party" every year for my birthday. This is the third year in a row. I hope they always do it. it's such a fun thing.

However.... We seem to be a tad short on frogs this year! LOL. Anywho. the party was grand and here's some pics.

Bean and Bu and all the stuffed friends they invited. There is ONE frog in there!

Posers.

The table decorated complete with seat assignments

They invited a few ponies too...

I think my favorite part is where they take a bunch of their toys and wrap them up individually and "give" to me. Or it could be all the little froggie drawings they do. or this year, I think the Frog Habitat that Bean made at school specially for the party when's the fave part.

Most of all - I love how my children take the time and the effort to sing songs, plan a party, decorate AND clean it up, all to celebrate my birthday. I have great kids.

I can see the LIGHT!!!!

We are a MONTH away from the summer holiday. A MONTH!!!!!!

Celebration Choir for Bean ended a week ago.

Girls last game was today.

Bean's soccer party was today. (I'm not coaching next year either. There's a huge difference in getting your kid to practice and having to get your kid to practice AND participate)

Bu's soccer party is on the 12th. THE 12TH! Sheesh. Whatever happened to boom-bam-done?????????

Bu graduates from pre-school in two weeks. Wonder if the bah will bother to show up for that. Anyone wanna take bets? (ok. that was low - but c'mon!)

Quarter end is done at the office. (huge sigh of exhaustion. Too bad I'm not caught up yet).

Cousin's wedding was last month. She was beautiful! Pics being posted soon along with one of the best decisions i've ever made!

Bday was this past week. Started with a rose on my car, my desk decorated, lunch with friends, cake with coworkers, a frog-party from the girls and ended with boyfriend wearing a bow (GRIN). Then the next night was late night conversation with a good friend who has to be as busy as I am and then having bday dinner with one of my closest dearest friends tomorrow night).

I already have a packed summer. But it's all fun stuff! A trip to Santa Fe. A trip to the beach. A friends daughter's wedding. Ice Cream Social. Gotta schedule a trip to see family and a trip to see CnJ who I miss terribly. Joining boyfriend on a retreat with his close friends (yeah.... I'm a little nervous about that!) And then a possible camping trip later this month.

Wow. I'm tired just writing the update! I'm gonna have to compartmentalize just to blog all i want to talk about:

new boyfriend (yum)
goals for the summer
goals for the next year (read: LESS goals)
Cousin's wedding
The Frog Party
The new budgie
Friends
Family
Love of Life
Fun stuff
Gratitude
List Making


Ok, so going back to list making may not be a good idea. already overwhelmed!

More updates coming. this was just a warm up.

Obviously Bored

A Fun Lil' Quiz to Get to Know You
Let's Get the Basics...
YOU
Name?:	Sula
Birthday?:	May 1
Birthplace?:	Waxahachie
Where do you live now?:	Austin, TX
What do you do?:	Operations in Financial Industry
What's you heritage?:	1/4 each of Irish, Scottish, German and French
Singe, Taken, or Looking?:	Yes
Let the Randomness begin...
What's your first thought when you wake up?:	This bed is way too comfy to get up yet.
How many times a day do you brush your teeth?:	4-5. I like clean teeth.
Do you eat meat?:	Yes.
What phobias do you have?:	Falling.
What color best describes your personality and why?:	Green and Orange. Most nature centered colors.
What's your favorite junk food?:	shhhhh. frozen burritos.
What's your bedtime?:	When I go to bed.
If you could have any pet in the imaginable world, what would it be?:	If it wouldn't rip me to shreds and eat me? A polar bear.
What's your favorite character from a book?:	Repairman Jack!
From a film?:	George from Phenomenon
Would you rather be a hero or an antagonist?:	Hero
Do you own a pair of "fat" pants?:	Of course!
Approx. how many pairs of shoes do you own?:	10ish?
Salty or sweet?:	combination
Your favorite childhood pastime?:	Singing in the rain
What country would you most like to visit?:	Whatever country Fiji is in. 2nd choice - Australia, 3rd Greece, 4th Ireland
Do you sleep with stuffed animals?:	When I've had a really really bad day. He's an orange dog named Lucky that my great grandfather gave me the day I was born.
If you could meet anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?:	Motzart, Dick Van Dyke, Alton Brown
If you could go to any time period, what would it be?:	Swingin' 30s
Do you follow politics?:	Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Too easy to get far too wrapped up into them and I don't have the millions of dollars to change the country's politics. I never miss voting tho.
Do you read the paper daily?:	yes, but online.
Do you consider yourself successful?:	Broke, but yes, successful
What is your guilty pleasure?:	Trashy novels
Can you swim?:	Yes.
Preferences
Coke or Pepsi?:	Diet Pepsi. But I don't drink it anymore. Oh, how I miss you Diet Pepsi.
Chips or Pretzels?:	Both
Tea or Coffee?:	Both
Shower or Bath?:	Both
Cold or hot?:	HOT
Chapstick or Blistex?:	Blistex
Dog or Cat?:	Both.
Traveling or Stationary?:	Both. But right now, I have an urge to travel.
Wild orTame?:	TeeHee! You pick.
Spiritual or atheist?:	Spiritual.
Jessica or Nick?:	Yick. Neither.
Angelina or Jennifer?:	Jennifer
Cheating or Faithful?:	Faithful
Red or Blue?:	Red wine over blue wine any day!
Favorites
Beer?:	Tequiza!
Cocktail?:	Mexican Martini
Farm animal?:	Goat
Celebrity?:	Nick Cage
Color?:	Green
Holiday?:	Thanksgiving
Vacation spot?:	Mountains
Movie genre?:	Action/comedy mix
Gemstone?:	Emerald
President?:	TBD
Comedian?:	Jeff Dunham, Peanut and the Jalepeno on a Stick
Actor?:	Nickolas Cage
Actress?:	Annette Benning
Band/Music Artist?:	Cake
Seasame Street Character?:	Count Dracula
TV Detective Show?:	Numb3rs
Cartoon Show?:	Scooby-Doo!
Wrestler?:	Yick
Soup?:	Green Chili Tortilla Soup
And to Wrap Things Up...
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?:	finished with my MBA, more grounded in a career, more balanced between family life and career life.
Do you want to own your own home?:	Yes.
Do you plan on getting married?:	Would take a high comfort level both where I am personally and with the level of communication/connectedness with the other person.
Plan on having children?:	I have children. Open to the possibility but in reality I'll simply be blessed with another child if that's the right place that i'm supposed to be.
Are you pierced and/or inked?:	ears are pierced. I'd love to have a whale tail tattoo. but doubt that would ever happen.
Is the Glass half empty or Half full?:	more than half full.
If you don't use it do you lose it?:	Most of the time.
Do you own a bicycle?:	used too. will again soon.
Are you a drunkard?:	nope.
Are you good with money?:	Yes.
Do you vote?:	YES
Do you watch The Price is Right?:	not since childhood
Are you close with your parents?:	with my family as a whole, yes. With my mom, no. I wish I was though.
Do they watch The Price is Right?:	Probably.
What is your preferred superhero power?:	To be a fly on the wall.
Do you hold grudges?:	No.
Do you believe in (a) God?:	Yep.
Anything else you'd like to mention?:	Life is good
Take this survey Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site