Obviously Bored

A Fun Lil' Quiz to Get to Know You
Let's Get the Basics...
YOU
Name?:	Sula
Birthday?:	May 1
Birthplace?:	Waxahachie
Where do you live now?:	Austin, TX
What do you do?:	Operations in Financial Industry
What's you heritage?:	1/4 each of Irish, Scottish, German and French
Singe, Taken, or Looking?:	Yes
Let the Randomness begin...
What's your first thought when you wake up?:	This bed is way too comfy to get up yet.
How many times a day do you brush your teeth?:	4-5. I like clean teeth.
Do you eat meat?:	Yes.
What phobias do you have?:	Falling.
What color best describes your personality and why?:	Green and Orange. Most nature centered colors.
What's your favorite junk food?:	shhhhh. frozen burritos.
What's your bedtime?:	When I go to bed.
If you could have any pet in the imaginable world, what would it be?:	If it wouldn't rip me to shreds and eat me? A polar bear.
What's your favorite character from a book?:	Repairman Jack!
From a film?:	George from Phenomenon
Would you rather be a hero or an antagonist?:	Hero
Do you own a pair of "fat" pants?:	Of course!
Approx. how many pairs of shoes do you own?:	10ish?
Salty or sweet?:	combination
Your favorite childhood pastime?:	Singing in the rain
What country would you most like to visit?:	Whatever country Fiji is in. 2nd choice - Australia, 3rd Greece, 4th Ireland
Do you sleep with stuffed animals?:	When I've had a really really bad day. He's an orange dog named Lucky that my great grandfather gave me the day I was born.
If you could meet anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?:	Motzart, Dick Van Dyke, Alton Brown
If you could go to any time period, what would it be?:	Swingin' 30s
Do you follow politics?:	Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Too easy to get far too wrapped up into them and I don't have the millions of dollars to change the country's politics. I never miss voting tho.
Do you read the paper daily?:	yes, but online.
Do you consider yourself successful?:	Broke, but yes, successful
What is your guilty pleasure?:	Trashy novels
Can you swim?:	Yes.
Preferences
Coke or Pepsi?:	Diet Pepsi. But I don't drink it anymore. Oh, how I miss you Diet Pepsi.
Chips or Pretzels?:	Both
Tea or Coffee?:	Both
Shower or Bath?:	Both
Cold or hot?:	HOT
Chapstick or Blistex?:	Blistex
Dog or Cat?:	Both.
Traveling or Stationary?:	Both. But right now, I have an urge to travel.
Wild orTame?:	TeeHee! You pick.
Spiritual or atheist?:	Spiritual.
Jessica or Nick?:	Yick. Neither.
Angelina or Jennifer?:	Jennifer
Cheating or Faithful?:	Faithful
Red or Blue?:	Red wine over blue wine any day!
Favorites
Beer?:	Tequiza!
Cocktail?:	Mexican Martini
Farm animal?:	Goat
Celebrity?:	Nick Cage
Color?:	Green
Holiday?:	Thanksgiving
Vacation spot?:	Mountains
Movie genre?:	Action/comedy mix
Gemstone?:	Emerald
President?:	TBD
Comedian?:	Jeff Dunham, Peanut and the Jalepeno on a Stick
Actor?:	Nickolas Cage
Actress?:	Annette Benning
Band/Music Artist?:	Cake
Seasame Street Character?:	Count Dracula
TV Detective Show?:	Numb3rs
Cartoon Show?:	Scooby-Doo!
Wrestler?:	Yick
Soup?:	Green Chili Tortilla Soup
And to Wrap Things Up...
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?:	finished with my MBA, more grounded in a career, more balanced between family life and career life.
Do you want to own your own home?:	Yes.
Do you plan on getting married?:	Would take a high comfort level both where I am personally and with the level of communication/connectedness with the other person.
Plan on having children?:	I have children. Open to the possibility but in reality I'll simply be blessed with another child if that's the right place that i'm supposed to be.
Are you pierced and/or inked?:	ears are pierced. I'd love to have a whale tail tattoo. but doubt that would ever happen.
Is the Glass half empty or Half full?:	more than half full.
If you don't use it do you lose it?:	Most of the time.
Do you own a bicycle?:	used too. will again soon.
Are you a drunkard?:	nope.
Are you good with money?:	Yes.
Do you vote?:	YES
Do you watch The Price is Right?:	not since childhood
Are you close with your parents?:	with my family as a whole, yes. With my mom, no. I wish I was though.
Do they watch The Price is Right?:	Probably.
What is your preferred superhero power?:	To be a fly on the wall.
Do you hold grudges?:	No.
Do you believe in (a) God?:	Yep.
Anything else you'd like to mention?:	Life is good
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It happened... I didn't think it would.

Isn't it funny how the silliest of small things can bring on this whirlwind of emotion? It happened today.

A week ago the ex stopped by to pay half of this month's spousal support. Okokok. Half of the newly agreed upon spousal support. that's a whole story with in itself.

Ok, so he shows up, hands me the envelope that I have to sign and then I take the money out and give him back the envelope. Then he hands me an iPod. Then he went on his merry way.

Let me stop here and mention that the girls were HERE when he stopped by and didn't even bother to ask to see them. They came out right after he left and was like, "he just left without saying Hi?????" IdiotNuts.

So I have my anger spout at that whole ordeal and then I started thinking about it. I get gifts when he feels guilty about something. It's been 3 months since he left crazy-girlfriend and I thought to myself, "hmmmmm... I bet he has a new girlfriend."

On Wed he sends me an e-mail telling me that he met someone and that she was a "fact". I'm sincerely happy for him.

Then I go to drop the girls off today for their bi-weekly overnight stay. He had his car parked all the way over to the left. He always parks his car in the middle of the garage. So he made space for her to park in the garage.

The garage of his mom's house. A very nice house in the Cat Mountain Villas of NW Hills. Where he lives for free. And pays no utilities. But can't scrape up the full amount of court ordered support. (no comments on having the state take it out of his paycheck. It took me so long to get the child support right with them that I'm not messing with them at all. Spousal support is only for such a short timeframe, it's just not worth it to mess with it).


Then this moment of sadness just swept over me. I'm not sure where it came from or why. It wasn't an angry sadness.

I guess I just had this moment of mourning the 10 years of my life that I poured into that relationship. Fighting this uphill battle to make something work that was never going to work that I wasn't even happy in. I was sad for the family life I always wanted, but sacrificed by choosing him. Don't get me wrong, I have no regrets. I can't. Look what I got from it!

And in that moment of sadness, part of it was for his new girlfriend. There are pieces of Ex that are so beautiful and charming. He's bright, funny, good-looking and everyone likes him (at first). He's extremely romantic. That girl doesn't stand a chance. I'm sure all she's going to see is this highly intelligent, successful, romantic guy that has a nice house and lots of friends.

The moment didn't last long. But it surprised me. Mostly because I feared that I wouldn't be able to get to that point. To be able to have a moment of sadness for that part of my life.

Guess I got some growth out of the experience after all.

A Step Away From Clarity

My house is in utter chaos. It's beyond utter chaos. It'll take me a week to get it partially cleaned up. Why? Because I retreated to my mom-cave (aka bedroom with a lock) for almost 5 hours today. About 3 1/2 was spent in napping mode.

I have the sweetest, kindest, devious, mischievious children. The destruction two little girls can create when I take some time for myself is incredible.

Today was worth every second.

I thought I was just laying down for a couple of minutes. I woke up 3 hours later from a disturbing dream. One of those that you know you are on the verge of a moment of clarity but didn't quite get there.

So I layed there in the quiet with sunshine streaming through my windows and all I did was think.

In most areas of my life it's time for me to move on to the next level. How did THAT happen???? When i fell asleep, I was content with where I've landed in life so far (Lord knows I had to work extra hard the past couple of years to get to where I am today). When I woke up, it was a sense of, ok..... now what?

The world is mine. I can be anyone that I want to become. I am free. How scary is THAT?

I have Bean and Bu. I have an awesome village. I have a great core group of lifetime friends (although many of them are several hours away). I have the FABULOUS A-Moms. I have my Rebuilding support group. A church and church family that is my spiritual home. I have my family. Both my family by-blood and my heart-family from my previous marriage. Debbie and Betty who are both friend and family. Carla who is both cousin and incredible friend. Marc.

So how did I wake up this afternoon in this moment of life-changing clarity?

I can't be my whole self until I'm willing to share my whole-self. I can't love as completely as I want to completely love... until I allow myself to be loved as completely.

Heart growth. Clarity. I think i'm ready. Breathe. I'm ready.

I have to give myself completely back to music to be able to hear the song inside me.

"Where Words Fail, Music Speaks"

There's an old MWS song that I hardly ever listen to that was playing in my head when I woke up.

Give It Away
Michael W Smith

She asked him for forever
And a promise that would last
He said, babe, you know I love you
But I can't commit to that
She said love isn't love
'til you give it away
A father lived in silence
Saw his son become a man
There was a distance felt between them
'cause he could not understand
That love isn't love
'til you give it away
You gotta give it away

Chorus:
As we live
Moving side by side
May we learn to give
Learn to sacrifice

We can entertain compassion
For a world in need of care
But the road of good intentions
Doesn't lead to anywhere
'cause love isn't love
'til you give it away
You gotta give it away

(Chorus)
Love is like a river
Flowing down from the giver of life
We drink from the water
And our thirst is no longer denied
You gotta give it away

There was a man who walked on water
He came to set the people free
He was the ultimate example
Of what love can truly be
'cause his love was his life
And he gave it away
You gotta give it away

(Chorus)