It happened... I didn't think it would.

Isn't it funny how the silliest of small things can bring on this whirlwind of emotion? It happened today.

A week ago the ex stopped by to pay half of this month's spousal support. Okokok. Half of the newly agreed upon spousal support. that's a whole story with in itself.

Ok, so he shows up, hands me the envelope that I have to sign and then I take the money out and give him back the envelope. Then he hands me an iPod. Then he went on his merry way.

Let me stop here and mention that the girls were HERE when he stopped by and didn't even bother to ask to see them. They came out right after he left and was like, "he just left without saying Hi?????" IdiotNuts.

So I have my anger spout at that whole ordeal and then I started thinking about it. I get gifts when he feels guilty about something. It's been 3 months since he left crazy-girlfriend and I thought to myself, "hmmmmm... I bet he has a new girlfriend."

On Wed he sends me an e-mail telling me that he met someone and that she was a "fact". I'm sincerely happy for him.

Then I go to drop the girls off today for their bi-weekly overnight stay. He had his car parked all the way over to the left. He always parks his car in the middle of the garage. So he made space for her to park in the garage.

The garage of his mom's house. A very nice house in the Cat Mountain Villas of NW Hills. Where he lives for free. And pays no utilities. But can't scrape up the full amount of court ordered support. (no comments on having the state take it out of his paycheck. It took me so long to get the child support right with them that I'm not messing with them at all. Spousal support is only for such a short timeframe, it's just not worth it to mess with it).


Then this moment of sadness just swept over me. I'm not sure where it came from or why. It wasn't an angry sadness.

I guess I just had this moment of mourning the 10 years of my life that I poured into that relationship. Fighting this uphill battle to make something work that was never going to work that I wasn't even happy in. I was sad for the family life I always wanted, but sacrificed by choosing him. Don't get me wrong, I have no regrets. I can't. Look what I got from it!

And in that moment of sadness, part of it was for his new girlfriend. There are pieces of Ex that are so beautiful and charming. He's bright, funny, good-looking and everyone likes him (at first). He's extremely romantic. That girl doesn't stand a chance. I'm sure all she's going to see is this highly intelligent, successful, romantic guy that has a nice house and lots of friends.

The moment didn't last long. But it surprised me. Mostly because I feared that I wouldn't be able to get to that point. To be able to have a moment of sadness for that part of my life.

Guess I got some growth out of the experience after all.