Asthma????

So..... I'm been sick since November. FREAKIN' sick. I get this way every year that I forget to start taking clariten the week of Thanksgiving when they bring all the Christmas trees to town and shake all the pollen in the air. This is the fourth year in the 10 years I've lived in Austin that it's happened. where I cough so hard that I throw up. (not a pretty picture).

So I go to the doctor, can't get in to see my doctor because that never happens on a "that day" appt, but another nice doctor gave me some antibiotics for my "sinus infection". That was last Thursday. I went back to the nice doctor on Monday. I got the same doctor as last time but still didn't get to see my doctor (who i had a set appt with that coming Thursday). He gave me a stronger antibiotic. I swear that thing is HUGE! I keep expectig it to get up and scurry away!!!! so that anti-biotic is working now.

I go to my wonderful wonderful doctor (who is about to have twins) and I come away from her with FIVE shiny new prescriptions. FIVE. and she is a doctor who doesn't like to prescribe a lot of meds. must've been script happy since she's about to go on maternity leave! haha...

Anywho. Turns out I have asthma. I've never been diagnosed with it before because it's irritated by allergies and excercise. I didn't have allergies until I moved to Austin and I used to be so out of breath when doing aerobic excercise that i just didn't do it. I lifted weights or did water aerobics instead. In PE in jr high and high school, I took marching band. so it wasn't an issue. but I have always shyed away from any long running sports. I did manage to play soccer, but it was short bursts of running that I can handle and the same with base ball. I did biking in my early twenties, but I would easily get heavily winded and just slow down to a leisurely pace.

So, I have an inhaler (me likes the inhaler...), Flonase, and she told me that Clariten wasn't anywhere near strong enough for me so I am now on Singulair. I've been on that regimen for one day and I already feel a ton better. I've had a couple of coughing fits today and used my inhaler and WOW. I can't believe I've been living with this freaking cough through allergy season for year after year!

My other two scripts... We talked a little bit about before. I've had insomnia for as long as I can remember, so i've been taking Ambien for it. From Dec last year until August of this year, i had to take it every night. Since August I take it maybe 5 times a month. so it's a LOT better. but I'm supposed to always have it on hand, so yea!

The other one... it's time for me to be weaned off the Zoloft. I told her that I wanted to talk to her about staying on it long term because I was a lot less irritable and i didn't get sick, dizzy and nauseous when having to talk in front of a large group of people or sing in front of people. I was a music major for 5 years and finally just walked away from it all because of the stage fright. (i know.... seems sort of weird for me to say I have stage fright). A lot of times I could control it if all the stars were aligned and I was fully concentrating on it. But with the Zoloft, I didn't have the stagefright at all. so I asked if I could stay on a lower dose forever.

Turns out, the Zoloft is what she thinks made me plateau in my weight management last year because the plateau happened right when we hit the highest dose. So she switched me to something in the same family that I will stay on indefinately. Something called Citalopram. I switched straight over, so she said i might be slightly irritable for a week or so with headaches, etc. oh joy. But I do feel good about staying on something, because truth be told, even before this past year when I decided I should get on something to control the anxiety, I was extremely moody. I could often control it around people, but the range of emotions that I would experience would tear me apart. The recent discussions on my mommy's newsgroup on this topic really helped me make this decision and it really is the right one for me. I'm one of those that hates to take medication, hence coughing until my insides are on the outsidefor two months before I'll take myself to the doctor.

So for all of my friends and my village who have shared a piece of their most private thoughts and fears, thank you. You've helped me make a decision that will make my life a lot better.

My next step will be getting my children tested for it, since both of them have that SAME cough, but I can usually zap it with kid's clariten. If they have it like I do, I do not want them to be almost 40 before they find some relief!!!!

Hot and Bitchy

So.... Looking back now at my pre-children life I see my previous self as being Hot 'n' Bitchy. I've been joking with someone about my hotnbitchy days, but I guess now it's time to decide who i want to be.

There are many of us who are in the struggle with some aspect of our physical life. Mine, like many, is my weight. I look back at my pre-kid pics and wonder how oh how did I get here. You'd think that years of chasing after two little fireballs of endless energy would keep me in shape. I think many of us think the same thing. But I think that unless we are making a concentrated effort on living a "well" life, then our poor bodies take the brunt of it.

I believe in karma. Do I have weight issues because I wasn't as nice as I should have been when I was younger? because I wasn't the most honest or understanding second half in my relationships? because I giggled at others while people watching?

A year ago, I began this "Three-year plan" of getting the ME back that I was. But i'm not sure I want to be the same ME! I like to think that i've learned how to be a good friend. a good samaritan. an active participant in my Village. That my spiritual walk has shown me the way to be truly happy and physically well.

I'm doing the work. At my last visit with the doctor, I had lost 36 pounds since Nov of 06. I didn't allow pictures taken of me back then, but my friend Crystal shot one at a gathering when I wasn't looking. I go back often and look at it just to remind myself of how far that I have come:http://aff-the-fang.blogspot.com/2006/08/passetyme-with-good-companye.html

I also go there because she has such an awesome way of putting words to what our little group is about. 36 pounds from that. sheesh. I knew it would be a long road when I started, but it definately helps to go back and look.

Where I am today (well, a couple of months ago):

This year my goal is 30 pounds. then 20 in 2009. That I hope will bring me back to looking something similar to this:

My Motivational Photo

Now labeled: Hot'n'Bitchy

But I don't want the old attitudes to come back with it. Is that why it's taken me so long to start this journey??? I like the person I am today. and i'm even more comfy with my body today than I was when that pic was taken.

I have a plan for the physical wellness.

I gave up diet pepsi (oh how i miss you dp)

I eat mainly whole foods (except for Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisines for convenience sake)

I drink mostly water and a lot of it

I exersise by going to the gym and coaching soccer. this year i even hope to play a little.

and I'm still working on the "get enough sleep" point.

A year ago, I started this quest for self thinking it was all about the physical. but it's really about doing the work so that my spirit has a healthy place to live. How many of us are terrified of the same thing. That if we do the work to make ourselves like ourself on the outside, that we'll still like ourself on the inside???

So, I'm putting it out there for all the world to see, so that I have a place to go back and read about my fears. Because it is a fear. I want to be a good person - inside and out.

and on that note, i'm going to go work on my "Point 4: get enough sleep"

Good night self.

Tom... Can I come over and play with your Dragon?

I am sooooooooooo jealous of my friend Candy's hubby. He got a dragon for his birthday. A DRAGON!!!!! How cool is that? You can read all about him at http://www.beauchampfamily.com/.





Just for Tom, I went and dug deep into my photo archives to find this:

Aren't we CUTE?????

I was five months pregnant with Rachel when this was taken too. Must be why she likes all those weird bugs and stuff. fr

So, now... ladies who I know come and peek at my blog every now and then, what are we going to have to do to Candy to get a similar pic of her cuddling the Dragon????