Hot and Bitchy

So.... Looking back now at my pre-children life I see my previous self as being Hot 'n' Bitchy. I've been joking with someone about my hotnbitchy days, but I guess now it's time to decide who i want to be.

There are many of us who are in the struggle with some aspect of our physical life. Mine, like many, is my weight. I look back at my pre-kid pics and wonder how oh how did I get here. You'd think that years of chasing after two little fireballs of endless energy would keep me in shape. I think many of us think the same thing. But I think that unless we are making a concentrated effort on living a "well" life, then our poor bodies take the brunt of it.

I believe in karma. Do I have weight issues because I wasn't as nice as I should have been when I was younger? because I wasn't the most honest or understanding second half in my relationships? because I giggled at others while people watching?

A year ago, I began this "Three-year plan" of getting the ME back that I was. But i'm not sure I want to be the same ME! I like to think that i've learned how to be a good friend. a good samaritan. an active participant in my Village. That my spiritual walk has shown me the way to be truly happy and physically well.

I'm doing the work. At my last visit with the doctor, I had lost 36 pounds since Nov of 06. I didn't allow pictures taken of me back then, but my friend Crystal shot one at a gathering when I wasn't looking. I go back often and look at it just to remind myself of how far that I have come:http://aff-the-fang.blogspot.com/2006/08/passetyme-with-good-companye.html

I also go there because she has such an awesome way of putting words to what our little group is about. 36 pounds from that. sheesh. I knew it would be a long road when I started, but it definately helps to go back and look.

Where I am today (well, a couple of months ago):

This year my goal is 30 pounds. then 20 in 2009. That I hope will bring me back to looking something similar to this:

My Motivational Photo

Now labeled: Hot'n'Bitchy

But I don't want the old attitudes to come back with it. Is that why it's taken me so long to start this journey??? I like the person I am today. and i'm even more comfy with my body today than I was when that pic was taken.

I have a plan for the physical wellness.

I gave up diet pepsi (oh how i miss you dp)

I eat mainly whole foods (except for Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisines for convenience sake)

I drink mostly water and a lot of it

I exersise by going to the gym and coaching soccer. this year i even hope to play a little.

and I'm still working on the "get enough sleep" point.

A year ago, I started this quest for self thinking it was all about the physical. but it's really about doing the work so that my spirit has a healthy place to live. How many of us are terrified of the same thing. That if we do the work to make ourselves like ourself on the outside, that we'll still like ourself on the inside???

So, I'm putting it out there for all the world to see, so that I have a place to go back and read about my fears. Because it is a fear. I want to be a good person - inside and out.

and on that note, i'm going to go work on my "Point 4: get enough sleep"

Good night self.